He Will Be Loved
by RootsOfAHotelWindow
Summary: 'She felt awkward with him, he wasn't her husband, he wasn't sweet like Remus, and he wasn't shy like Peter. Sirius Black was completely different.' James gives Sirius some bad news then Lily leaves to comfort him.


**He Will Be Loved**

_Sirius_

"What are you doing here boy?"

What a charming welcome into an Order of the Phoenix meeting. Never mind the fact that I could be pursuing some kind of actual career right now, rather than risking life and limb for the good of our people. Or that I was wasting my brilliant mind on the useless dead end job that Dumbledore had picked out for me, comforting witches and wizards who were lucky enough to have witnessed the Death Eater's work first hand, but not lucky enough to have the luxury of being a Muggle and getting Obliviated. His reasons for that were that I had 'qualities' that made people want to interact with me. I assume he meant I'm bloody gorgeous and the horrors they've seen just slip right out of their mind compared to me.

Anyway, the point was that I damn well deserved a better welcome.

"Good morning Alastor," I said, pleasantly as could be. "What a lovely smile you have to greet me with on this fine October evening. Oh and I'll have two sugars as always if you wouldn't mind."

Alastor's eye bulged. "We're fighting a war here boy, there's no time for your games. I asked you what you were doing here."

Frank walked in then, with Alice only poking her head round the door to see who was in the hallway. She smiled her sweet little smile at me, then retreated back into the main meeting room with a snap of the door. I had always liked Frank and Alice, they're full of surprises.

One of them was the fact that Alice had a good ten years on Frank. Talk about cradle robbing, the woman even babysat him a couple of times...I also had the sneaky suspicion that Alice was pregnant, and the unnecessarily loose robes she was wearing today only confirmed it.

My sparkling grin at Frank wasn't well received. Actually, he looked rather dismayed. He turned to Alastor and said, "He hasn't been told yet?"

"Good news is there?" I said brightly.

"Albus sent Potter," Alastor said gruffly, "The boy obviously didn't do what he was asked to. It's no concern of ours anyhow, this one just needs to leave so we can get on with the meeting."

"What?" I said, getting frustrated at being in the dark, and annoyed that I was being talked to like I wasn't there. "I haven't seen James today, and I'm a member as much as anyone Alastor. Tell me what's going on."

"Sirius, you can't help us on this one because it's your-"

"Classified information!" Alastor barked. Frank jumped and looked sheepish.

I stomped over. "Tell me Alastor," I commanded.

I stood there bold as brass; staring down a man with years and years on me. He was glaring at me in that awful way that had made one particularly repentant Death Eater cry. I suspected he had lost that bit of his nose by crossing his eyes and giving someone that same precious look of his.

"Sorry I'm late," my brother in arms burst in; with a sense of timing in no way harmed by the years he'd spent cleaning up his act. "Albus asked me to try and find Sirius to tell him about Regulus but-"

"CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!" The shout didn't quite cover James' words and I felt my heart sink. If the Order was getting involved there was a very good chance Regulus would end up in Azkaban, or dead.

James saw me then and I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore my accelerating heartbeat. "So, what's the brat done now?"

"Well there's been a report of him losing favour with You-Know-Who by doing a bit of work on the side," James said hesitantly, glancing over at Alastor.

I felt a surge of anger then, if Moody wasn't yelling at him like there was no tomorrow, then it meant Professor Dumbledore meant for me to know. I can fight and risk my life as much as I want, he'll never see past my name.

"And Albus thinks that he might have-"

Ah. There was the invisible line that couldn't be crossed, as demonstrated by Alastor glowering at James.

Frank spoke up. "Albus thinks you won't be able to concentrate properly, your emotions might cause you to, erm, do something reckless." He finished the sentence looking down, like he should.

If I hadn't been 'reckless' when we went to check out that abandoned pub last month, then poor Alice would be raising a baby alone. I was beginning to feel let down by everyone in the room, so I was more than happy to listen to Alastor's next words.

"Take him out, sort it," Mad-Eye snapped at James, "and you come right back in when it's dealt with, we're already making do with one less."

"How absolutely lovely and _sensitive._ Aren't you a sweet little cock-sucking bast-" James wrestled me out the front door.

"I don't want to go home." I said as soon as Frank closed the door behind me. God I sounded pathetic, but Prongs and I were a team; everything we'd done so far for the Order, we'd done together.

James was looking into the distance when he replied, "Well, Mad-Eye's a heartless prick."

"I'm not going home James!"

James continued this business of not meeting my eyes, pissing me off to no end, when he said, "My mum brought an apple pie over this morning, when she came to see how Lily was. You know, considering the baby and all." A little half smile and a faraway look graced his face.

Devious bastard, I couldn't wait for the fifth Marauder to finally pop out and he knew that. What he didn't know was that I knew his game, and I'd be damned if I played it.

"Are you even listening to me?" I said, frustrated. I grabbed his face, forcing him to pay attention. "I'm _not _going home!"

"You can't come. Are you really going to help us send your own flesh and blood to Azkaban?" and so I'm-going-to-be-a-Father-and-I'm-so-blessed-and-my-life's-all-gone-according-to-plan look was gone.

Little bugger, what did he know about what I would and wouldn't do? Him, with a mum sane enough to make baked goods, and a dad who started conversations with a grin and a, 'So son, what're you doing with your life?' rather than, 'Sirius Orion Black, you think you can carry on disgracing the House of Black like this?' And without little brothers who thought it was a brilliant idea to get a dirty great snake tattoo on their arm, that coincidently linked them up with the most evil wizard of the time and, also coincidently, the wizard their own brother was waging a war against.

These mutinous thoughts in my head must have started showing on my face because James had a hint of desperation in his voice when he said, "Look, just go to mine and keep an eye on Lily then. For God's sake, be a brother Siriu-" James' voice broke, realising what he'd said.

Bless him. He's gotten to be ever so tactful since Lily, which is probably a good thing for him. I'll never forget the time he announced to us Marauders - and everyone in the general precinct of the Gryffindor common room - that he might as well accompany us to the kitchens that night, seeing as Lily was having her monthly and wasn't much fun. The next day, that woman goes and spikes his pumpkin juice. I'll never forget McGonagall's face when she told James to stand up and saw the boner on him.

I shook myself. I had my manic smile on, the one that says either something has gone terribly wrong and I shall do dangerous things until I feel better, or I'm trying my best not to piss myself laughing. James wrongly guessed which one it was.

"I've sent Lily a Patronus, so you can go straight away. Listen mate, I'm sorry," James looked harassed, so I decided that between the war and the baby, I shouldn't pretend to be offended. That much.

"Yeah well..." I muttered with my eyes downcast. "I suppose it would help if- oh no, no. Never mind."

"Padfoot," he started. I felt a bit guilty then, because he was normally so bent on making sure we didn't give it away that we were unregistered Animagi around the Order, and here he was, compromising his morals for dear old me. "If I can do anything, consider it done."

I was feeling really guilty now, and a bit embarrassed. I only wanted to wind him up a bit, so he could laugh at himself afterwards and not worry about the war for a good thirty seconds. "Aw mate, don't get all soppy, all I was going to ask for was the rest of your Mum's apple pie."

James was appalled.

"Right then, try not to have too much fun without me!" I winked at him and quickly apparated.

I arrived right outside the front door, remembering I shouldn't barge in on a hormonal, potentially busy, pregnant woman. Especially if I wanted some apple pie.

"Sirius," Lily began, voice full of emotion. Well that's women for you really, and the pregnant ones are even worse. She had a face on her like she wanted to talk about everything from my brother to the meaning of life, so I knew I had to stop the she-demon before she got started.

"I don't want to talk about it." Maybe not the most eloquent way to put it, considering my Pure-blood upbringing and such, but it got the message across. Lily nodded.

"Can I get you anything? A drink? I'm sure I've still got that whiskey you like..." James' woman knew me well.

I was being reckless when I took that drink. I'm not a great drinker when I'm emotional you see, and I know that deep down, I care about Regulus. I cared about him when I told Mum that it was me who broke the vase dear Bellatrix gave her, I cared about him when he didn't know Muggle money well enough to buy himself an ice cream cone, and I care about him now, when my best mate might kill my little brother.

Oh Lord.

_-()-_

_Lily_

I was glad that Sirius was one of the first people we told. I had told my mum first, and then James protested that he should 'get one' as well. I wasn't too happy at the time of course, who'd of thought Sirius, with his motorbike and his pack a day habit, would be at all enthusiastic about a baby?

But he's unpredictable and I know it, and after we told him that I was expecting a baby and he wasn't to tell anyone, I almost feel like I should have _expected_ him to quit smoking, offer to paint the baby's room so the fumes didn't get to me and nag me about making sure my eggs were done. That last one really shocked me, because even I didn't know eggs that weren't cooked could hurt the baby.

It got to the point where I almost snapped at him, coming in everyday asking 'Are you telling people yet? Are you?' I was scared to be honest, my mum had had one miscarriage and complications with Petunia, and I didn't want to tempt fate. I hadn't taken him up on his perfectly good offer to paint the room just in case, and I definitely wanted to keep it quiet until the second trimester at least.

I started to show about a week ago, so James and I decided to tell him that we were officially telling everyone. Sirius was draped across our couch reading aloud articles on child-proofing a wizarding home, and James managed to distract him from long enough to tell him.

"Oh you guys!" Sirius burst out. Having barely touched me in months for fear of hurting the baby, he leaped me past me on the couch and onto James. A second later and James and Padfoot were in a tussle, James doing anything he could to escape, and Padfoot licking James like mad.

After that little revelation, I was putting some tea on to calm everyone down - de-caffeinated, on Sirius' orders - when I handed him his little china cup - 'make sure you put them in one of the top cabinets, can't have them on the counter when baby comes!' - his reply was, "Thanks Mum."

James and I raised our eyebrows at each other.

And we thought no more of it until we realised he seemed to have forgotten our names completely. It was setting me on edge to be honest. I wasn't entirely happy to be pregnant because it was the middle of the war and James and I were still so young. I think James picked up on this, but he was always careful and extra loving to me so I couldn't blame him. All the same, my being pregnant was pretty much his fault so James dutifully asked Sirius what he was playing at one day.

"I was just trying to get ready for when the baby comes!" Sirius wailed. "If I call you James and Lily then the baby will pick it up, and we can't have the _baby _calling you James and Lily!"

I shook my head in amazement. Sirius Black was more ready for parenthood than me and James put together.

_-()-_

_Lily_

I didn't think of Sirius as a miserable drunk, no one could, but that's what he was that day.

He looked up at me and said, "You know what I mean, right Mum? You know _exactly _what I mean."

I was a bit bothered at being accused - well, it sounded like that in his tone of voice - in my own home. Especially since my guest had the bad manners to have drunk until his eyes became unfocused and his words jumbled, leaving me to try and make sense of his critical statements.

"No Sirius," I began impatiently, "I have no idea what you mean. I'll put a video on for you shall I?"

"Yes you do. You've got one too, and she's a sister and she's called Petunia." Sirius stood up, knocking his chair over. Tears brimming under the surface and making his eyes red were threatening to stream down his perfect face.

"That's not okay, your sister may be this and she may be that but at least she's still _alive_, at least you could have a 'cuppa with her if you wanted to, or you could argue with her however much you wanted."

Oh no. He was worse than I thought. "Sirius, your brother isn't dead yet," I tried.

I knew right away this was the wrong thing to say. "Isn't dead," he hissed. "Oh silly me, of course my little brother the _Death Eater _will be alive at the end of today. I mean, the Order are hunting him down, so what? There are rumours that he did something Voldemort didn't like, but hey, live and let live. Yes Mum, I see your point perfectly."

The sarcasm hurt.

"You think I like being separate from my sister?" I asked coldly. "At least you weren't from different worlds, so what if you were a Gryffindor and he was a Slytherin? He didn't think you were a freak! He didn't hate so much for going there that he had to have his wedding on the same day as yours to spite you!"

"Maybe I'd better...or we'd better calm down," Sirius muttered. I was breathing quite heavily, and was still angry.

"No," I snapped, "I will not calm down. I lost my sister because I couldn't help it, I had magic and she didn't. You didn't lose yours; you abandoned him when you ran away from home." I vaguely wondered if I'd gone too far with this, but surely his parents weren't so bad and he _could _have survived a couple more years.

There was a silence for a minute. "You'd have had me become a Death Eater? You'd have James hunting me down and killing me, would you?"

I'd had enough. I got up and fully intended to storm off before I had a terrifying moment when the world tilted, and then fell away.

In this short interlude, I dreamed. I dreamed rather fuzzily of an old woman feeding me some kind of porridge. I dreamed in black and white of a playground and an older girl and a boy the same age as me. I dreamed of a man smiling at me over a bubbling cauldron in washed out greens. My last dream was of a black-haired man, spinning me around in a white dress. He was overflowing with colour, from the deep red of his lips to his purple tie.

"Lily, Lily," he whispered into my ear. I held his hands tighter, not wanting to be drawn away. I noticed how the band around my left ring finger felt new, and how he had no similar band. This man seemed familiar, but not quite right. This feeling intensified as did his calling my name.

"Lily! LILY!" Sirius was yelling at me. I didn't open my eyes; I was trying to grasp the last remnants of my dream and that beautiful man. Sirius' yelling was too penetrating though, so I opened them.

His grey eyes were widened in fear and his hands were gripping mine tightly. His deep red lips drew me back.

"Sirius?" I asked incredulously. I coughed slightly, wishing my voice hadn't sounded as weak as it did. I noticed I was on the couch.

"Lily what happened? Should I get James? Or Dumbledore?"

"Give me a minute," I said, waving him away and happily letting my eyes slip shut again.

"Who should I tell though?"

"What?" I asked exasperatedly.

"You fainted. And I should call someone because you haven't seen a Healer for weeks."

I heaved a sigh and sat up, batting away Sirius' big hands and ignoring the alarmed look on his face. "Look, I probably just got overexcited, alright?" Sirius wasn't looking too happy yet. "Just grab me a glass of water will you?"

Sirius jumped up, looking elated to be helping the welfare of my child. Someone should have highlighted the small print of the terms of my marriage to me; I agreed to the custody of sweet Remus Lupin and shy Peter Pettigrew but where had the insane Mr Black came from?

I drank the glass he handed me then settled back into the cushions. Sirius sat down next to me and shifted around for a moment or two.

"Lily, can I ask you a question?"

He was biting his lip rather endearingly; I almost believed he only ever did it when he was vulnerable. Unfortunately, too many nights of watching him run out of money and flirt shamelessly with waitress and waiters alike to get what he wanted had forever proven the guilt of that move to me.

He took my silence as acceptance. "Say you had one last hour with your sister. Say no feelings had changed with her since you were little, what would you do with her? You can show me if you want."

I pretended to think about it even though I knew exactly what we would do. And never mind the both of us being pregnant, the method could be adapted. Having the preconception that if you were beautiful on the outside, you were beautiful all the way through, we would go around our area as children and look for anyone who took our eye. We would then take it in turns to ask them to buy us various sweets and fizzy drinks that our sugar-high conscious parents wouldn't allow us, usually by acting like the very epitome of cuteness.

I was much better at it than Petunia, I thought satisfactorily.

"If you don't mind going outside, then yes I will." My smile was met by a worried look.

"It's still a bit chilly don't you think? I mean, it'd be nice if we could do something inside. Nothing girly though," Sirius added hastily. "I have a carefully crafted image to look after you know."

"Well," I said carefully, drawing out the word. "Petunia and I would always be left alone on Sunday afternoons, when our parents went out to see our Dad's Mum. She had dementia you see, and she was in a home and between all of them and the dreary building and the awfully strict nurses, it was no place for Petunia and me. So every Sunday afternoon, while my other Granny was asleep on the couch meant to be minding us, Petunia and I would sneak first thing we would do, was go into our own bedrooms where we both stashed the middle pages of last week's newspaper under our pillows. Then we would go into our parents' room, carefully lay out the newspapers and open the windows so we wouldn't leave any traces, and painted our nails. Would you like to paint your nails?"

Sirius cocked his head and looked at me with a puzzled expression. "What's that?"

I breathed a sigh of relief that Sirius had never thought to learn about Muggle women in the long period he'd made James send him half-naked pictures of them, or that he'd never taken Muggle Studies. As long as I could convince him there weren't any fumes like real paint, then we could do this.

I had to laugh then. Lily Evans, who had left Hogwarts with a set of top marks and one very good job offer, was feeling more accomplished than she had in months for keeping Sirius Black occupied (with absolutely no threat to his masculinity).

Sirius patiently allowed me my moments of reminiscence before he demanded to know what nail painting was, and if it was at all dangerous for me.

"No it's not at all dangerous, little gir- children use it all the time. And if you want to know what it is, then you're just going to have to trust me. You like blue don't you?"

"Yeah I do," he answered, tilting his head at me in confusion.

I walked over to the table where the phone was, and rummaged around in the drawer. Nail varnish and magazine in hand, I sat down next to Sirius and reached for his hand.

"What are you doing?" he asked nervously. "Am I not doing it?"

"I would do Petunia's and she'd do mine. _Always_." I said, lower lip trembling. Hey, hang around Sirius Black long enough and you'll end up being a manipulative little twat too. Not that I was, mind you, it's just that painting someone's nails always calmed me down.

Sirius immediately held out his hand. "Sorry." He yawned.

"You're okay," I replied, positioning the magazine on my lap. I unscrewed the nail varnish and began with his left thumb, muttering for him to not touch anything and tilt his hand when necessary.

A few minutes later I held up his blue tipped hand for him to evaluate. "It's not bright enough," he mumbled.

I set to work again, layering on a second coat.

I held it up for the second time. "It's great," he said, yawning. "Can we watch a video now?"

I couldn't ignore his yawning again. "You'll need to stay really still for a good ten minutes while the nail varnish dries," I said, trying to tread carefully. "Do you want to go lay down in the spare bed?"

"Sure." He could surprise me sometimes.

I lead him silently upstairs. I opened the door of the spare room for him, before realising he couldn't sleep in his clothes.

"You can get up to undress after 10 minutes. I'll leave you to it."

Sirius looked at me helplessly. I pressed my lips together, and started to undo his shirt buttons. After slipping the shirt off him and folding it neatly in a chair, I looked at him.

He yawned again. He was so tired he looked like he might fall asleep where he was standing, so I decided to throw caution to the wind. I removed his socks, feeling his palm press hard against my shoulder to keep his balance both times. Then I unbuttoned his trousers, grateful that the rumours about Sirius and his lack of boxers weren't true. Then again, we were a world away from those careless days and Sirius could have easily mended his ways since. I peeled back the flowery duvet as a means to subtly turn my back on Sirius kicking off his trousers. He silently got in, being very careful to not touch anything. I threw the duvet over Sirius and moved to leave.

"Thank you for tonight, it was... what I needed. Please- Please leave the light on tonight."

I sat next to him on the chair, watching his eyes grow heavy. Before his breathing deepened and he truly went to sleep, I had to ask him one more question.

"Sirius, what would you do if you had an hour with Regulus?"

"Well Mum, I'd give him some of Mrs Potter's apple pie of course," murmured Sirius. His eyes were already closed.

I sat in that chair for a good half hour, just watching him breathe in his sleep. When I decided to leave, I realised I'd been cradling my stomach.

I was walking out the door and had almost flicked the light switch when I heard Sirius let out a heart wrenching whine. I went against my better judgement and walked right back in to comfort him.

He looked so troubled, I couldn't help myself. It was war time and I was missing my sister and he was missing his brother; I felt like we were kindred spirits, just for tonight. His lips were slightly open, and I closed my eyes so we'd be even more similar.

I leant forward, smelling whiskey and sweat, and kissed him gently on the lips.

As an afterthought I leant back in and kissed his forehead as well. I realised that what I knew of Sirius' family meant that he probably never had a kiss like the second one from his mother at all. He had got his first from a different mother then, years after it was due. I felt tears in my eyes at the thought that Regulus wouldn't be getting a mother's kiss tonight or any other night, assuming the Dementors couldn't reproduce.

I stood back and fancied he looked a little calmer. I walked purposefully to the kitchen, not bothering to turn the light off in the spare bedroom. I carefully wrapped two big slices of apple pie in foil for Sirius and put them next to each other in a plastic box. Then I walked over to the settee and stroked the cat thoughtfully.

My baby would have a night light and nothing more, but then again, my baby wouldn't have dark thoughts it needed to chase away with light. My baby would have a mother and father who loved them and grandparents who loved them and honorary aunts and uncles who loved them.

And Sirius would get a second chance. He couldn't fix his own cold childhood, but he could help us look after the baby. That's pretty much the moment I decided Sirius would be Godfather. He will be loved, by me and James and baby. And everyone will be happy.

And there will be no more death.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you to Liv16 for beta-reading this, and to you for reading it!<em>


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